Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
