My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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