I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize