Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
