how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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