Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
