you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
