Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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