Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
