Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
