im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
