Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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