Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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