i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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