she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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