The maid of honor just puked.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And then he peed in my hair
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