I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
