a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
