So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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