she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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