Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
