some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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