So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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