Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
