I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
