I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
