Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
