I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
