There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
