I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize