Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
nutella sex= disaster
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
