we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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