I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
