I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
