I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize