I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
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You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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