come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
