The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
