yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
