I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize