I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
