Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
