Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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