Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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