just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
