Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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