totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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