I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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