the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
