We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
did i just pee glitter
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
