I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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