bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
