There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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