Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information