btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.