If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
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Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
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He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.