I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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