Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Where is the hickey?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
