I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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