i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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