Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
