What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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