Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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