Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.