Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?