And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off