Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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