Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
