Got a toothbrush?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
