just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
