It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
