I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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