I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
