omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
