i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
