Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if only i could text you this smell
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
