When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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